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EMAIL EDANIEL!
Welcome to Edaniel's online advice column!
You can write to your favorite green wonder-thing with your questions and advice dilemmas
at Edaniel@bizenghast.com. Please remember that although Edaniel tries to answer every
letter he receives, he's also very lazy.
To My Dearest Edaniel, I looked up at the stars last night while blowing my nose, and I thought of you. I am so gratefull you have graced the world with your awesome presence, and I am so happy you're my favorite color. :) Anyway, was that weird wold Hydes guy just Edrear in disguise because he's obsessed with Dinah? Because I heard maybe he has a crush on her. And does he have a diary you can steal and let me in about some stuff PLEASE?! Also, my friend is starting a magazine and she wants to know if you would like to be on the cover and be interviewed.
When I was your age, Pluto was a planet,
Hanky Pants
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Dear Hanky Chief,
I'm pretty sure Hides wasn't Edrear in disguise cuz that dude had short hair and my prissy little bro has that sissy ponytail. Man I cannot TELL you how many times
times I've cut that thing off in his sleep and it JUST KEEPS GROWING BACK.
As it happens, Edrear doesn't have a diary because he can't read or write. But I bet if he had one, it would just be full of girly paintings and drawings and
crap like he usually does on his little homemade canvases. Artists are such WOMEN.
And I'd have to talk to my people about any media appearances. But I think we can work something out.
When I was your age, England was just three guys, a horse and a bucket,
Edaniel
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Dear Mighty,Wicked-Cool-Overlord-Edaniel,
First off,I'd just like to say congratulations,you're officially my favorite hat wearing,shape shifting green cat type thing EVER. But,moving on to more serious matters,I found myself pondering your childhood just the other day,and I have to ask,what was it like?Where'd you grow up?Did you eat excess amounts of tuna?Where did you attend school?
Fictitiously yours,
Lydia the Elusive
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Dear Elusive Lydia,
It's sad to admit, but I never had a childhood, for I was created just for my work by the afterlife. However I like to think I would have been a really cute kid.
I prolly would have had all the pint-sized ladies swooning. I prolly would have had awesome parents too...my dad would be a cowboy astronaut millionaire and my mom would have been a 1978 Chevy Cavalier with leopard-print seats and
optional power windows.
However you don't have to be a kid to consume lots of tuna. You just have to like tuna. Which unfortunately, I don't.
Very Non-fictionally Yours,
Edaniel
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Dear Darling Edaniel.
I would Just Like to say you are so Cool I love the Lime Green too ;). If I may be so bold as to ask How old are you? & Have you ever Just "tried to kill time" with any of the other female Vault Cleaners (if so do tell... ;D )?. Was Fabtabulous Meeting you you Lil' Lime Green Cheeky Thing.
With Lots Of Kitty Snacks
Yours Givingly
Courtz
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Dear Quartz,
I'm pretty old, although I like to think I don't look a day over 250.
MAN, everyone's into my old girlfriend stories! I should write to Penthouse or something. I've never been involved with any of the ghost chicks cuz they're all high-maintenance
and crazy out of their noggins, but I DID date one of the human agents who worked with us about fifty years ago. Man she was wicked cool. But then the Hooded Angel
found out and she made me break off. Thanks a lot, MOM.
Yours Selfishly,
Edaniel
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Dear Edaniel,
First off, I'm writing a fanfiction story for Kingdom Hearts, and I was wondering if you'd be so kind as to make a guest appearance? We need to have interesting people fliting about, and I think you'd be perfect. It's for a rave-like scenario, and very few of the people there are human. It comes in a much later chapter, and I hope you'll say yes! Also, I was wondering...just how many things do you have for Dinah? There's the mints...the tickets...is there anything else? What are the conditions? And finally, I was thinking about starting on an idea I had for a comic. Do you think you could get Marty/M. Alice to give me some pointers?
---
Dear Mystery Guest,
I guess that would be cool, just make sure I have some awesome raver glowsticks. I can't get enough of those things, they're delicious!
I've got lots of things for Dinah and the conditions are many. Right now I've got a thing for Dinah right here...it's a 12-month subscription to
Professional Gum-Chewer's Magazine and she'll get it just as soon as she starts packing lunches for me every night. Vault-cleaning is hungry work and I want my Snack Paks!
I wouldn't ask M. Alice for anything...all her ideas are pretty lousy. And she never wears pants when she's at home.
Mysteriously Yours,
Edaniel
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Dear Edaniel,
How's my favorite psycho cat? XD. How is work with Dinah and Vincent? Hope its
not too slow. ....I really like ur human form...had to say it lol. Speaking of
which I drew a fanart of you recently...if I had a scanner I would show you but
I dont >.<. By the way, I can see why you like Nareesha. She's cool ^.^. My
friend, Bailey, thinks Nareesha is awesome as well. Just a random question, do
you ever leave the Mausoleum to travel the world of humans? If so, where've ya
been?
Love ya lots, Edaniel! You rock!,
The Queen of Kaiser, Amy E. Dones
PS: I would think it'd be funny if you popped out of the BZG books just to scare
people
PSS: If its not too much, can I be one of ur girlfriends? lol just asking. Not
that I mean to be rude or anything ^_^
---
Dear Amy E. Dones,
I'm pretty good, work's going well. The kids are getting a little worn out lately...we may have to give them a few days off. Buncha babies.
I actually travel a lot, unlike my brother, who's never even SEEN the outside human world. I usually float around pretending to be a stuffed
animal, so I see a lot of malls and toy stores. One time an eight year old girl named Brittany tried to stuff me full of polyfill at a
Build-A-Bear workshop.
I've also been to France.
Rockin Out,
Edaniel
PPS: Sorry, I've had a No Human Chicks rule imposed on me by the Mausoleum recently. See above letter.
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Hello, Edaniel-dono!!! You are the coolest. Of course, you probably already knew that and so I'm just feeding your ego, but that's good, or else your ego would start eating people, I'm sure.
Anyways, on to the question! Who said this haiku?:
I would like a snack
Something of a sammich type
Preferably ham
From the girl who loves the sound of the fourth wall crumbling down
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Dear Whoever,
There's never NOT a good time for people to tell me how great I am. That's my opinion, anyhow.
I forget who said that. Some jerk.
From the SKOPM who loves the sound of donuts hitting the ceiling fan,
Edaniel
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Dear Edaniel (aka Pointy Green Thing)
I saw you in the Bizenghast vol. 1 in Dinah's room among her stuffed animals. Were you spying on them or were you looking for new tiny hats to add to your collection? And wouldn't Dinah recognize your lime green little self? Other fans are asking 'do you have a thing for Dinah?' when it seems they are asking it in the wrong way. Do you like Dinah in a certain way?
With extra cheezy fish,
Jamie
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Dear Jamie,
You got me. I was scoping for hats. But luckily my brilliant disguise kept me from detection by, let's face it, a not overly bright teenager. Also I scored three new hats. But
I ain't gonna tell you what kinds.
I DO like Dinah in a certain way...it's sort of the certain way that a convenience store clerk likes the guy who comes and fills the vending machines. Or how Switzerland likes Belgium.
With extra fishy cheese,
Edaniel
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Dear Edaniel, Master of Hats
How did you and the ever so wonderful Nareesha met? On another note, what happened to Bali-Lail? It seems like she just dissappered. Did she explode?
That crazy chick under the stairs, Kristen
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Dear madwoman Kristen,
I met my darling Nareesha at the Annual Corpse Fancier's Society Ball. She was easily the finest-looking woman there, next to me of course. I was one of the judges on
the panel that awarded her the Most Beautiful Woman in the World trophy for the first time. Also the second time, and probably the third. I get more and more drunk every time I go to those things.
I'm thinking of getting a three-week head start on drinking this year, as a matter of fact. But to compensate I'm going to cut down on the number of dates I bring with me.
I don't see Bali-Lali much, she's kinda got her own thing going on up in the roof and we've got our groove down in the non-attic areas.
To tell you the truth, I don't like her much. She's got those nice teeth, yet I never see her flossing. She's really weird like that.
I think it would be kind of cool if she exploded.
Homicidally yours,
Edaniel
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Lieber Edaniel,
It seems that you have quite a vivid love life with Nareesha, which I can fully understand since you're just gorgeous in human and animalish form.
Now my question is: How have you met lovely Nareesha and if it's not too imprudent to ask, do you love her or are you just in love with yourself?
Gespannt auf Antwort,
Miss Manierlich
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Dear Liebchen,
Thanks very much for the compliments. See above for the backstory, fraulien.
I wouldn't call it vivid, exactly...more like an on-again, off-again thing. Like whenever we see each other, which is almost never. But she's defnitely one of my more favorite girlfriends.
And don't be silly...if I was in love with myself, I'd already be dating me.
Come to think of it...that idea's got potential.
Ponderingly yours,
Edaniel
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Dear my beloved Edaniel,
You are my favorite character EVAH! Well, tied with Shampoo, Ryoga, Kyo, and Duzell. Don't tell them, but you win by .1! Hehe. Soooo.. I want a plushie of you! And a diary thingy and another plushie and a keychain and a hat and... you! I WANT YOU! What do you want from life? And, enough about me, tell me about YOU.
With tons of lurve,
Natasha the Crazy Lady
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Dear crazy lady,
You are kind of a lot of crazy.
With no lurve whatsoever,
Edaniel
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O Lovely Edaniel, I was just wondering: What do you like in a woman? It's obvious you have a thing for Dinah, so you apparently don't care if your crushes are alive or not. But really, do you like girls with blue or brown eyes? Red hair or pink? Demonic or angel? Built in hover-craft or the 1978 Oldsmobile model? (Just for the record, I'm undead myself, am 5' tall, have green eyes, short black hair, and I like long walks through a pawn shop on a full blue cheese moon night. O, and I REALLY love the color lime-green ^.O)
I eagerly await your response,
With much peperika flavored smooches,
Morella Spazz
Rememba my name...
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Dear Rememba,
Are you saying Dinah's not alive? I mean she's not exactly a go-getter Type A personality, but I wouldn't say she's completely without life.
I've got a thing for Dinah right here, in fact...it's a pack of After Eight dinner mints, and she'll get them as soon as she returns my Ace of Base CD.
I would say the quality I admire most in a woman is her ability to exist on a three-dimensional plane and speak a language I can understand or have translated for me or am able to ignore
reasonably well. Other than that, the pie's the limit.
Openmindedly yours,
Edaniel
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Dear oh great magestical Edaniel;
I remember once reading about how eating a certain amount of Oreos turns you into an odd color, are there any other foods that once you eat a certain amount of; turn you funny colors?
Kinda curious, Ana Banana
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Dear Miss Banana,
Oreos are the only foodstuff that change my color. I think it's that mysterious filling in the center.
However there are some other strange reactions I have to food. My sister Eniri put me strictly off-limits to
hazelnuts after she caught me impersonating a fishstick one too many times. I also try to avoid
ricecakes in general, as they leave me with a vicious case of bad hair day for at least a week.
Allergically yours,
Edaniel
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Dear edaniel, i have recently read BIzenghast 1, and 2, and let me say that u rox my knee sox! ;) You are my favorite character! ;) I wuz wondering, who are your favorite brother, and or, sister? Also, have you ever been involved with someone, as in romantic wize? I wuz also wondering, who is your favorite character (besides yourself) in Bizenghast? With much love,
You're the cooliest,
Smiles! ;)
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Dear Smiles,
My favorite Brother would have to be Samuel L. Jackson and my favorite Sister would be Aretha Franklin. Both are legends in their own right and some damn sexy people to boot.
Buddy, I've been involved with half the WORLD, "romantic wize."
I'd say my favorite character besides me would be me again. Perhaps me in a slightly different hat, or like two inches taller.
Fantastically yours,
Edaniel
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Dear Amazingly Vanitious Edaniel,
In Bizenghast, you were very forward to Dinah when returning from your travels to Nareesha........Do you like her, or was it the sudden change from a green spikey teethed cat thing to a really cool looking human?
Also, Edrear your brother........does he change into an animal, and if you're a green spikey teethed cat thing-then what does he change into??
Lots of Love,
Insanely Questionably Intelligent (as if, Im more insane!)
Merc
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Dear IQI Merc,
I was trying to kill some time, as evidenced. My little brother has lots of tricks, but his animal form is really boring. He can change his shape, but it's usually from a loser to a bigger loser. Also he wears his hair in a sissy bow. Talk about SQUARE.
Fabulously Very Intelligent,
Edaniel
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Hey Edaniel!
You are too fabulous! Anyway! On to business! I kind of have two questions; Seeing how you've been a tower guard for a while now, I was wondering if you ever had any vault cleaners other than Dinah, any worth mentioning? Also, how you think she's doing? Measuring up to your expectations? Lots of love to you, you precious green guard you!
~Sincerely~
Tanner
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Dear fawning human Tanner,
We have had several agents over the years who stand out in my mind, usually as spectacular idiots. I remember this one guy Jeff thought our vaults were some magical portals to realms of mystery or summat. He was a fantasy fan. "Are there any mermaids in your vaults?" "How long til we meet the mermaids?" "Have you ever seen a real mermaid?"
He had some kind of mermaid fetish. Also probably a DeviantArt account. He wouldn't shut the hell up about how graceful and ethereal they were, much more so than the mean girls in his high school whose boyfriends gave him an atomic wedgie in the locker room every Friday.
Anyway as it turned out we DID have some mermaids, and after all his big talk about how fascinated by the natural beauty of mermaids he was and what he'd say to a real one when he met them, you know what happened?
Exactly. They gave him an atomic wedgie. Then they ate him.
And THAT'S why we pre-screen for weirdos now. Speaking of which, Di's not doing such a bad job, although her friend Victor could use a haircut. But seeing as the last girl we had used to bring me kitty snacks and these new kids don't bring me SQUAT, I'd say they could be doing better.
Reminiscingly yours,
Edaniel
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Dear Edaniel
You seem like a hyper active um....whatever you are I have some questions that I want to ask you soo here we go! How did you die and how did you turn to be in that cat look a like form, What was your true form before you died? Also is life for you better after your death or before? Oh and before I forget, whats the best part of your job?
Luv ya like a fat kid loves cake!
Gabs
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Dear Gabs,
I'm glad you brought that up, kiddo. The fact is me and my less cool siblings are constructs, which means we were made to work for the afterlife. Most guildsmen are constructs. We've
never been alive and never will be. We don't even have souls! Personally I'm fine with that, I think they just hold you back anyhow. But if I HAD been alive,
I think I would have been a really cool human. I'd have flames painted down the side of me, power steering and some tricked out, rimmed-up cup holders in the dashboard.
Hang on, I think I'm thinking about cars again. Cars, humans...they're pretty similar.
Luv ya like your mom loves me,
Edaniel
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Dear Edaniel,
I was wondering...is the cross on your chest (when you're in human form) a tatoo? If not, then what is it?
Lots of love,
Guadalupe
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Dear Guadalupe,
That's my appendix scar. My appendix is in a weird place.
Lots of muffins,
Edaniel
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Dear Edaniel,
Having recently finished the second BZG, in one sitting, I have a few questions.
Why do you prefer your animalish form over your humanish one?
Does your brother prefer his humanish form over his animalish one?
Are the two of you wearing eyeliner?
Do you have a thing for Dinah?
Sincerely
Aimee
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Dear Aimee,
I prefer my animal form over my human one because I can wear more hats. My human form is not a hat person.
My brother prefers everything boring and lame. He prefers plain shredded wheat to sugared, vanilla to chocolate, Maryanne to Ginger.
I'm sure if he wore underwear he'd prefer briefs to boxers.
I'm wearing eyeliner. Whether Edrear does is a mystery. I don't ask questions.
I have a thing for Dinah right here in my hat. It's two tickets to see Tosca at the Met. But she doesn't get them until she lets me have her purse for a
chew toy.
Sincerely,
Edaniel
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First of all I'd like to say you're probably my favorite characterin bizenghast,^^ but I still have a few questions... I know you're lime green in the usual form you're in, but is your hair the same color in your humanoid one? My second one is, are there any other forms you can take? Lastly, will we ever find out how you became a tower guard?
Sincerly,
Sharonna J.
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Dear Sharonna,
Thanks a bunch, sister! My hair is blonde in human form. I can take other forms but I don't like to brag about them.
I pretty much got the tower guard job by filling out applications. I mean I was sitting around on the couch one day watching reruns and figured I had to do
something for a living, so I went down to the place and they gave me a form to fill out and said they'd call in a few weeks. Couple days later I
got interviewed and BAM, the job was mine. I wasn't going to take it at first cuz they didn't offer health benefits but when they pointed out that I was dead
and didn't need them, I cut them some slack and signed on. Simple as that.
Sincerely with an e,
Edaniel
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What the hell are you anyway?
Not to be rude but your one cheeky whatever-you-are and you seem a bit too...evil to be a normal cat who just painted his fur green.
-The best of luck
Badder
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Dear Bad,
I'm not a cat, I'm Some Kind Of Pointy Monster. I even belong to the national register of SKOPMs. Don't feel bad, though. I've been called everything
from an evil cat to an evil dog to an evil bunny.
Best of cheese fries,
Edaniel
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Honorable Edaniel,
how large exactly are you? I intend to make my very own Edaniel plush toy for my use and abuse, and would like to know just how much green velvet I'll be needing.
Shade and sweet water,
Minna
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Honorable Minna,
I'm larger than LIFE. Big enough to shock the world. Not to be reckoned with. In other words, about two feet tall, ears included.
polar ice caps and pop rocks,
Edaniel
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Dear Edaniel,
You seem to be quite opinionated. Has that gotten you into trouble, for example thrown out of school or taken into mall prison? If you have, did you just ignore it or did you actually do what you were told?
Forever a coconut head,
Hinageshi Inchimiya
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Dear Inchy,
One time I was put inside a Lost and Found locker at the Mall of America for looking too much like somebody's Build-a-Bear purchase, but since I didn't have
a receipt attached they eventually had to let me go. Other than that, I'm usually cool with the Man.
Forever on fire,
Edaniel
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Dear Edaniel,
Why do u always get vincents name wronge. I mean you always get Dinah's name right but u like never get vincents name right. Do you like not like him or something?
your friend,
Danni
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Dear Danni,
Not sure who you're talking about. I checked my whole Rolodex and couldn't find a Vincent, although if I knew him before 1978 then that would explain it.
I used those pages from my Rolodex to make a paper mache model of Scott Biao's living room set from Joanie Loves Chachi.
Your enemy,
Edaniel
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Hello greatspirit guide Edaniel.
I mean no disrespect but are those lines on your face a mouth that is always smiling, or a bandage wrapped around your face like a ninja? Do you have ninja powers, and if so what kind? Shadow, assasin,underwear?
Always
David cates
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Dear David Cates,
I'm afraid I can't reveal that information, or the name of the brand bandages I wrap around my face to protect my movie-star smile. I will however state that my magical ninja powers include flying ability, cake-frosting hand swipe and my incredible Ultimate Finishing Move, which can destroy the world if used properly. Or even improperly. Mostly improperly.
Best,
Edaniel
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Dear Edaniel-
After finishing Bizenghast, I have recently read a new book trilogy called the Abhorsen trilogy by Garth Nix. In the first book,Sabriel, There is a white cat who (scarily enough) reminds me thoroughly ofyour character. It might just be me hallucinating, but I really do see a resemblance. Unlike you and the Cheshire cat though, I see more than just the wide grin. He (the cat who's name is Mogget) has the whole helpful feline thing, that drops snazzy comments every once in awhile.
questionably your,
Michelle
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Dear Michelle,
Amazingly enough, everyone wants to be me these days. They're even willing to rip off my collection of hats, which I'm pretty sure is against the haberdashery law or something. However I'd just like to point out that I am not a cat, and I'm not white. I'm some kind of pointy monster and I'm a lovely lime green with matching trim. I also have optional all-leather interior and power windows.
Uniquely yours,
Edaniel
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Dear Edaniel,
You're the best!!!! I'm a real big fan of the cheshire cat, but you are the
king! I can't wait till the 2nd volume comes out ^_^. But I have one
question, I noticed in your pictures that you change hats a lot. How many
hats do you have?
Sincerely,
Lady Grim
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Dear Ms. Grim,
Thanks very much for your mad props. I too have recently noticed that I wear a lot of hats, and so I hired an accounting firm (Wattleman, Wattleman and Bjork) to
take stock of all the hats I currently own. The offifical tally was handed in this morning and it turns out I own
three hundred and eighty-six hats, which by a strange coincidence is the exact number of Oreos I have to eat before I turn an interesting shade of
orange.
It may interest you to know that in addition to liking hats, I also happen to BE a hat: EDANIEL HAT FOR SALE
Hattily yours,
Edaniel
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Dear Edaniel,
With your good looks and witty charms, you must get all the ladies correct?
Auf Wiedersehen,
Maddy
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Dear Maddy,
You'd better believe it, freulein.
Danke,
Edaniel
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Dear Edaniel-
Are you related in any way to the Cheshire Cat? You both share a sense of humor
and incredibly wide smiles.
Sincerely,
Morgan
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Dear Morgan,
Man, that hack? Yeah, I know him. We used to roll together back in the day. He's all like, "Checkit, E...I'm disappearing slowly!" And I'm like, "Yeah dude, I liked it the first hundred times I saw it."
That cat's all wet, you know? He's got the one trick and he milks it on Entertainment Tonight every six months. And don't even talk to me about those wicked stripey highlights in his fur. I'm hoping that's not actually a hairstyle he paid money for. Like I'm hoping maybe vandals broke into his house at night and did that TO him. That's the only explanation I can come up with.
Don't get me wrong, we got some things in common despite all that. He runs around with some prissy british girl who's hooked on shrooms and I run around with some prissy american girl who seriously NEEDS to be hooked on shrooms. But that's where the similarities end. He's sidekick status and I'm my own boss. I mean he's just up in the tree doing his 'We're all mad here" line that always ends up in people's forum signatures, but then his part in the story is like Minnesota after the Cannes Film Festival pulls out of town. OVER. Whereas I'm still running like the Six Million Dollar Man.
So to answer your question...no relation.
Best,
Edaniel
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Dear Edaniel,
Is your fur naturally green? If not, what do you use to dye it? I've heard Kool-Aid works pretty well.
Snakily,
Rin
---
Dear Rin,
As a matter of fact, I'm a natural blonde. However, several years ago I was involved in a fight to the death with
the Maraso County, CA Chief of Police's front lawn, and have maintained permanent grass stains ever since.
With much snakes,
Edaniel
All creative content of this site copyright M. Alice, 2004. Some content copyright Tokyopop, Inc. No part of this site may be reproduced without permission.
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